Misconduct
New Year, and I'm 31 as of July 6th...
I would say some shit like, "Never would've believe where I am today", but that's not my train of thought. Just grateful that I made it this far (cliche), but honestly, living in the present is hard and consequential. People don't like you, you aren't liked, you are hated...wait isn't that the same statement in different variations, yes indeed...that has been the most difficult for me to get over. People, IN GENERAL, do not enjoy my rebellious attitude towards this life. I've decided to not conform, just don't think its natural...don't want to fall in love once, but many times (even though that was forced), I understand the idea. I am just passing through this one (meaning life), I believe. Even though it has happened before (I believe), this isn't it for my soul or spirit. I am still unknowing and it makes me crazy and fearful, trying to let go of that fear...really want to be free of it, its the death of many and what a way to go.
The present is now, and it feels good now and I'm sure and know of now.
There's no mystery here, just a woman waiting for conversation and vulnerability, because I am not accepting anything less...and when its less, there's the mystery...simple. Love experiences so that I can learn more, so anything goes, but do indeed learn from them.
Is this real, this
What do we call this feeling
An urge to bear all but hold on
Feeling all too conflicted
"Do I dare say"
What is on my mind
Me, is it who they really see
Or is this act skilled?
Cracking at the edges
How long can I keep this up?
Medicate, medicate
Expose, expose
Truth, but in a distorted image
Not me.
Support is fleeting
Just as the many situations encountered
Some how
Everyone is
Lost and unknowing
Just grasping for known parts
That doesn't exist in the "NOW".
Feeling free, lost, and unknowing is home. There's no wrong or right, because limits don't exist, only commitments to those who we love, which inevitably limit us as well.
